PERSONAL PAIN COMPOUNDED BY UPHEAVAL IN AVIATION OCCUPATION CAUSED RPTR TO BE OVERWHELMED.

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I HELD IN FOR YRS THE PAIN; SHAME AND GUILT OF MY MOM'S ALCOHOLISM UNTIL SHE FINALLY COLLAPSED DEC/XX/93. I ALSO HELD BACK FOR YRS THE TRAUMA OF THE ACR STRIKE AND EVENTUAL FAILURE DESPITE OUR EFFORTS TO SAVE HER. ALONG WITH THIS THE PAIN OF DIVORCE: AND THE STRESS OF FLYING 100 PLUS HRS A MONTH AT THE COMMUTER AIRLINE I WAS WORKING FOR; AND ATTENDING SCHOOL AT NIGHT WHERE I COMPLETED MY BS DEGREE. I WAS SCARED AND ASHAMED TO ADMIT I NEEDED HELP AND WITH 4 LAYOFFS IN 3 YRS I COULDN'T KEEP MEDICAL BENEFITS; WHICH WAS DEPRESSING. I ALSO FELT DESPONDENT OVER PLT GROUP SCAB LIST AND MY RUINED CAREER. ALL THIS CAUSED ME TO NEARLY LOSE CTL OF MY ACFT IN DEC/XX/93 WHICH I FILED A NASA RPT. I FINALLY BURNED OUT AND WAS ASKED TO RESIGN. I WAS PRESSURED BY MONEY WHEN I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN LEAVE OF ABSENCE. I FAILED TO FULLY RECOGNIZE THE WARNING SIGNS OR DO ANYTHING UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE. FORTUNATELY; I DIDN'T DAMAGE ANYTHING; HURT ANYBODY; OR GET A VIOLATION. I AM SEEKING HELP THROUGH 'ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS' GROUP; CHURCH AND FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I'M NOT FLYING AND DON'T KNOW IF I EVER WANT TO AGAIN; ALTHOUGH I DO STILL LOVE AVIATION; BUT MAYBE I CAN HELP IN OTHER WAYS.