DC9 MIL ACFT ON GCA APCH TO MIL ARPT. FLC WANTED A CIRCLING APCH DUE TO WINDS; BUT UNABLE TO CONTACT TWR UNTIL TOO CLOSE SO A GAR WAS EXECUTED. TWR ISSUED A HDG VECTOR AND ALT ASSIGNMENT; BUT FLC IGNORED BOTH. TWR THEN ATTEMPTED A VECTOR TO VFR APCH BUT UNABLE. FLC ASSIGNED AND COMPLETED A LOC APCH TO THEIR DESIRED RWY.

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FLYING INTO NAS WEST; THE WX WAS RPTED AS 800 FT BROKEN WITH RAIN AND WINDS OUT OF THE S AT 15 KTS GUSTING TO 25 KTS. WE WERE GIVEN A PARALLEL APCH FOR RWY 29. WITH THE WINDS AND WATER RPTED ON THE RWY; THE CAPT (PNF) WANTED TO CIRCLE TO LAND ON RWY 18. THE CAPT ADVISED THE GCA CTLR OF OUR REQUEST; BUT HE WOULD NOT RESPOND TO IT. APPROX 3 MI FINAL (WITH THE ARPT IN SIGHT) TO RWY 29; THE GCA CTLR SWITCHED US TO TWR FREQ. THE CAPT CALLED TWR TWICE WITH NO RESPONSE. BY THIS TIME; WE WERE HALF MI FINAL TO RWY 29 WITH NO CLRNC TO LAND. I EXECUTED A MISSED APCH AND CLBED OUT STRAIGHT AHEAD. AT THIS POINT; TWR CALLED AND GAVE US INSTRUCTIONS TO TURN S AND CLB TO 2000 FT MSL. I WAS SO BUSY EXECUTING THE MISSED; AT NIGHT; IN AND OUT OF CLOUDS; AND TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE OTHER PLT; I ELECTED TO CLB STRAIGHT AHEAD INSTEAD OF MAKING A POSSIBLY DISORIENTING TURNOUT OVER THE OCEAN. THERE WERE OBSTACLES IN FRONT OF US (HILLS AND TWR TO 600 FT); BUT I WAS UNCERTAIN OF THEIR HT; SO I ELECTED TO CLB TO 2500 FT MSL AS AN ADDITIONAL SAFETY MARGIN. I AM UNAWARE OF ANY TFC CONFLICTS; NOR WERE WE ADVISED OF ANY. WE WERE NOW IMC AND TWR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE US VECTORS FOR A VISUAL APCH (HE WAS AWARE WE WERE IMC). HOWEVER; HE WAS UNABLE TO VECTOR US BELOW THE CLOUDS SO I EXECUTED A SECOND MISSED APCH. THIS TIME WE CONTACTED SAN DIEGO APCH AND EXECUTED A LOC TO AN UNEVENTFUL LNDG ON RWY 18. BOTH THE CAPT AND I KNEW THE LOC WOULD HAVE BEEN AN EASIER APCH FOR LNDG ON RWY 18; BUT WE FAILED TO COMMUNICATE OR DISCUSS THIS PRIOR TO SHOOTING OUR FIRST APCH. ADDITIONALLY; THE GCA CTLR AND TWR CTLR NOT RESPONDING TO OUR REQUEST MADE A DIFFICULT SIT IMPOSSIBLE. NEXT TIME I WILL BE MORE AGGRESSIVE IN DETERMINING WHICH APCH TO USE AND MAKING MY INTEREST KNOWN EARLIER.