AN EMB145 DEP EWR FAILS TO CHANGE FREQS TO ZNY AND EXPERIENCES A POTENTIAL CONFLICT WITH AN A320.

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THE EVENT TOOK PLACE APPROX 5 MINS AFTER DEP WHILE ON RADAR VECTORS WITH NEW YORK DEP FREQ 119.2. FO (PF) WAS EXPERIENCING AN EAR BLOCK AND WAS IN GREAT DISCOMFORT. I WAS MANAGING THE RADIOS AND HAD RECEIVED A FREQ CHANGE TO 120.85. I PLACED THE FREQ IN STANDBY AND DID NOT SWITCH RADIO FREQ AS I QUESTIONED THE FO ABOUT ALT CHOICES WITH HIS EAR CONDITION. SHORTLY AFTERWARDS; A TCASII ALERT WITH RA GUIDANCE OCCURRED. ATC WAS ADVISED OF OTHER ACFT 'IN SIGHT' AND OUR DSCNT IN FOLLOWING PRESCRIBED RA GUIDANCE. THE SIT WAS NOT DISCOVERED UNTIL TCASII RESPONSE. HUMAN PERFORMANCE FAILURES OCCURRED AT BOTH ENDS: ATC (RECEIVING) DID NOT QUERY ATC (PROVIDING HDOF) WITH REGARD TO NO CONTACT OF OUR ACFT ENTERING NEW CTLING AIRSPACE. PNF ALLOWED COCKPIT DISTR TO INTERFERE WITH REQUIRED RADIO COM WITH CTLR. BOTH FAILURES ALLOWED ACFT TO BE PLACED IN A POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS PROFILE. CONTRIBUTING FACTOR: LACK OF SITUATIONAL AWARENESS. PERSONAL FINDINGS: 1) DO NOT RELEASE HAND FROM PRESS-TO- TALK UNTIL FREQ HANDOVER IS COMPLETE. 2) DO NOT SURRENDER ACFT TO ATC AND MAINTAIN SITUATIONAL AWARENESS; THROUGH PROGRESS ON NAV CHARTS AND SHARE INFO AS TO EXPECTED NEXT ATC ACTION (IE; TURN FOR OUTBOUND COURSE). SUPPLEMENTAL INFO FROM ACN 419556: AFTER TKOF FROM EWR RWY 4L WE WERE ASSIGNED HDG 270 DEGS AND 10000 FT. WE WERE GIVEN A FREQ CHANGE AND THE CAPT PUT THE NEW FREQ IN STANDBY BUT DID NOT SWITCH IT OVER. SOON AFTER WE WERE GIVEN AN RA FROM TCASII. WE BEGAN A DSCNT AND INFORMED ATC. THE CTLR WAS NOT AWARE OF OUR POS AND TOLD US TO AGAIN SWITCH TO THE NEW FREQ. ONCE ATC CONFIRMED OUR POS WE WERE ISSUED A 360 DEG TURN AND WERE THEN VECTORED BACK ON COURSE.