C560 PLT DESCRIBES TEB SID DEP PROC THAT CONFLICTS WITH NOISE PROC AND HIS OR HER PRACTICE OF ALTERING SID HDG TO COMPLY WITH NOISE PROC.

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TEB 5 DEP READS (RWY 24): CLB RWY HDG 1500 FT; TURN R 280 DEGS. NOISE ABATEMENT OFFICE WANTS US TO CLB ON HDG 230 DEGS TO AVOID A NOISE SENSOR ON EXTENDED RWY CTRLINE. WE ADAPTED A PROC YRS AGO TO CLB ON A 232 DEG HDG TO KEEP THE NOISE OFFICE HAPPY AND TO SATISFY THE FAA +/-10 DEGS STANDARD. IT WORKED WITHOUT A PROB FOR YRS. LATELY; THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF ATTN TO THIS SID; AS TRANSIENT PLTS SEEM TO DEVIATE A LOT AND CAUSE CONFLICTS WITH EWR TFC. FOR US; TEB IS HOME. ON THE TKOF IN QUESTION; ANOTHER ACFT WAS LAUNCHED TOO SOON AFTER OUR DEP AND THAT CREATED A LOSS OF SEPARATION. THE FIRST I HEARD ABOUT IT WAS WHEN THE FAA CALLED ME 3 DAYS LATER. THE TWR CLAIMED WE FLEW INITIAL HDG OF 225 DEGS AND THEN ERRATICALLY VARIOUS HDGS; WHICH IS ENTIRELY UNTRUE! GOOD NEWS: THE FAA CALLED ME TODAY AND TOLD ME WE WERE CLR AND THAT THE TWR WAS TRYING TO SHIFT BLAME; THE CASE WAS RECLASSIFIED AS 'TEB TWR OP ERROR.' THE INSPECTOR SAID THAT THERE WAS A SLIGHT HDG DEV ON OUR PART; BUT NOT ENOUGH TO CAUSE A REAL PROB; WHICH BRINGS THE POINT OF CONFLICT BTWN THE NOISE GUYS AND ATC. I ADMIT TO OFFSETTING 8 DEGS L; WE DO IT ROUTINELY. IT'S A CASE OF 'DAMNED IF YOU DO; DAMNED IF YOU DON'T.' IF THE ACFT HAS 3 NOISE VIOLATIONS; IT IS BANNED FROM TEB (JOB LOSS). IF YOU OFFSET TO THE L; THE TWR IS UNHAPPY (JOB LOSS). I BELIEVE THIS CONFLICT SHOULD BE RESOLVED BY THE NOISE OFFICE AND THE FAA MEETING AND CREATING A CONSISTENT AND FLYABLE SID. THESE OFFICES SHOULD NOT ASK US TO FLY CONFLICTING PROCS. I WILL NOW OFFSET ONLY 3 DEGS L; AS THE FAA HAS MORE AUTH OVER MY AIRMAN CERTIFICATE THAN THE NOISE ABATEMENT OFFICE.