GLF4 FLT CREW ABANDONS APCH TO DEST DUE TO TURB. CONFUSION OCCURS WITH APCH CTL REGARDING THE EXPECTED TRACK FOLLOWING THE GAR.

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VERY WINDY AND TURBULENT CONDITIONS EXISTED. WE DID A MISSED DUE TO UNSTABLE AIRSPD ON SHORT FINAL AND REQUESTED TO GO TO EWR. WHILE I MADE THE FIRST CONTACT WITH NEW YORK APCH AND TOLD HIM WE WERE HDG 225 DEGS AT 2000 FT MSL; MY CAPT WORKED THE RADIOS AFTER THAT WHILE I SET THE COCKPIT UP FOR AN ILS TO RWY 22L AT EWR CIRCLE TO RWY 29. WHEN NEW YORK APCH CONTACTED US AGAIN THE CAPT HAD ALREADY ENTERED THE HOLD IN THE MISSED APCH BECAUSE HE HAD NOT RECEIVED ANY INSTRUCTION FROM NEW YORK APCH. AT THAT TIME NEW YORK CONTACTED HIM AND SAID MAINTAIN HDG; THE CAPT SAID WHICH HDG AND THE CTLR SAID THE ONE YOU ARE ON. WELL HE HAD TURNED TO A 150 DEG HDG IN THE HOLD. WHEN I TOOK OVER THE RADIOS AFTER SETTING UP THE COCKPIT FOR THE EWR APCH; THE CTLR TOLD ME TO TURN TO A 310 DEG HDG AND CLB TO 5000 FT. THEN HE STARTED YELLING AT ME AS TO HOW WE ENDED UP SO FAR S. HE GOT SO BAD THAT THE CAPT SPOKE TO HIM AND TRIED TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED. IT ALL ADDED TO AN ALREADY VERY BUSY SITUATION. I THINK THESE CTLRS SHOULD BE MADE AWARE HOW INEFFECTIVE ANGER AND LECTURES ARE AT A TIME LIKE THAT.