ACR LGT EXCEEDED FLAP SPEED DURING GO AROUND FROM IAP ILS APCH INTO DCA.

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MAKING ILS TO RWY 36 AT DCA. ATC HAD US TOO HIGH; TOO LONG AND WAS CONCERNED ABOUT US BEING ABLE TO GET DOWN. THEY OFFERED A 360 DEG TURN BUT I FELT WE COULD GET DOWN. THE F/O WAS FLYING AND I BELIEVED HIM TO BE WELL QUALIFIED; BUT INSTEAD OF GOING FOR THE G/S AND THEN SLOWING UP; HE SLOWED UP TOO EARLY AND COULD NEVER CAPTURE THE G/S. RWY WAS USABLE AT AROUND 3 MI AND AT THE MM I TOLD HIM TO GO AROUND AND ATC WAS ADVISED WHEREUPON THEY GAVE ME NEW MISSED APCH PROCS. I ONLY HEARD PART OF THE HDG AND ONLY AFTER 3 OR 4 CALLS WOULD THEY RECONFIRM THE HDG WHICH WAS 270 DEGS. I HAD ONLY HEARD '70' WHICH DIDN'T SOUND RIGHT AT DCA; BUT WHICH COULD BE USED W/O GOING INTO THE PROHIBITED AREA. THIS LATE CHANGE IN PROCS ALONG WITH NO CONFIRMATION ON THE HDG CAUSED ME TO SLIDE OUT OF THE LOOP MOMENTARILY WHILE THE F/O WAS EXECUTING THE MISSED APCH. HE PROGRAMMED THE GO AROUND MODE FOR CLBOUT AND FOR NAVIGATING THE MISSED APCH PROC (STANDARD PROC); BUT DID NOT CALL FOR FLAPS AND GEAR; AND BEING BADLY DISTRACTED I DID NOT PICK UP ON IT IMMEDIATELY THE F/O THEN RETRACTED THE GEAR ON HIS OWN WHICH TURNED ON THE FLAP WARNING HORN MAKING THINGS WORSE WHILE I WAS STILL TRYING TO GET THE CORRECT HDG. AS THINGS GOT SQUARED AWAY (ALMOST); I NOTED A FLAP OVERSPD OF 20 KTS WITH 5 DEG FLAPS. THIS WAS AN LGT WITH ELECTRONIC FLT INSTRUMENTS AND IT TENDS TO BE A 2-M BUSY BOX IN TIMES LIKE THIS. ATC SHOULD NEVER CHANGE PROCS AS A GO AROUND IS BEGUN. THEY WERE VERY COURTEOUS AND CONCERNED; BUT LIKE IN A GCA PROC; THE GO AROUND INSTRUCTIONS SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN BEFORE THE OM IF THEY WERE TO BE CHANGED; NOT WHEN WE WERE PERFORMING WHAT BORDERS ON AN EMER. I DON'T BELIEVE ANY AIRSPACE WAS VIOLATED AS THE F/O WAS FLYING THE COMMAND BARS IN THE GP MODE WHICH SHOULD COMMAND THE PROPER NAV PROC UP THE RIVER; AND THEN DURING THE COURSE OF THE INITIAL CLBOUT I GAVE HIM A 270 DEG HDG AND PROGRAMMED IT INTO THE FLT DIRECTOR.