Air carrier departure from PHX voiced concern regarding ATC services; a departure runway change and ATC's request for the flight crew to provide visual separation with a preceding departure aircraft.

Narrative

We were sitting on the ramp at PHX and briefing our departure. We were expecting 26L because it was the runway that was closest to the ramp; and the one we had just landed on; but weren't sure; so the First Officer called Ground Control and asked which runway to expect. Ground said we were to expect 26R; but if we preferred; he could put in a request for 26L. When we started taxiing; he gave us 26L intersection H7. We double checked that we had that intersection's takeoff data and proceeded to the runway while completing our before takeoff duties. As we approached the runway; we were switched to Tower. Without any comment; he cleared us to cross 26L and to taxi to 26R. We were confused by this clearance; because we had been told to expect 26L. So the First Officer confirmed that we were now cleared to 26R and the Controller snapped back; 'Yes; that's what I just said.' We waited for about 5 or 6 departures and then we were told that we'd be number 3 or 4. Then we were told that we'd follow the aircraft that is on the runway in position and holding. When cleared for takeoff; we took the runway. At about 300 FT; he asked us if we had the preceding aircraft in sight and at my request; the First Officer (pilot monitoring) said no. I was hand-flying the aircraft and my head was inside. I didn't want to be responsible for our separation because there were many targets outside; and we couldn't positively confirm the traffic in question. The Controller asked us several times to call the traffic in sight; and we said 'negative contact'. The Controller then got really mad and yelled; 'that's unbelievable!!' then 'maintain 4000 FT and do not exceed 230 KTS'. The autopilot was on by then and we complied. We were switched to departure and we were given climb instructions. The rest of the flight was uneventful. I believe that a lot of controllers expect us to do a lot of their work for them; such as call the runway in sight for a visual approach; even if we are way too high and not in position to make a normal descent using normal procedures (which happened that morning in PHX); or calling traffic in sight when the separation is already inadequate (previous report). This PHX Tower Controller used non-standard phraseology when we were unable to comply with his request to maintain our own separation; when it is indeed his responsibility to begin with. Also; when we verified the taxi clearance to a different runway than previously cleared to; he also showed signs of frustration and snapped at us.