B737 First Officer asks the Tower Controller to standby when issued runway exit instructions during final approach. The Controller tries again and is admonished by the reporter.

Narrative

We were on ILS final for 31L and the weather was a little ragged but not terrible. We were cleared to land about 6/7 miles out and saw the runway just prior to 1000 feet call. At about 700-800 feet; the Tower Controller issued us runway exit/taxi instructions that required us to exit 18/36. This was not the time to talk about that so I told him to stand by. At about 300 feet he said; change of plans; I need you to exit at C4 etc.; etc. I did not process the rest of his instructions. I said something to the effect of; 'Hey; bud; we're pretty busy right now and we'll get the instructions after we land.' I thought about not answering at all; but based on the fact that I had already told him to stand by; I figured he would just keep on talking. He replied that he was just trying to help us out and didn't need the attitude. He stopped talking after that so I was happy. The landing was uneventful and we exited the runway at C4 and went to the gate. This is the worst case of a Controller trying to fly my jet I've seen; however; I see similar behavior to a lesser degree frequently. Usually it's when we are in reverse thrust making the autobrake disarm callout and the Tower Controller starts issuing taxi instructions. This is not the time to repeat taxi instructions that I'm probably going to forget and/or improperly execute anyway. I'm reminded of what my old flight instructor used to tell me; Bournelli makes the airplane fly; not Marconi. I'm going to continue to tell Controllers to stand by when they pull this kind of stuff. Other than that; I wish someone would brief them that what they are doing is counter-productive at best; but possibly unsafe. Another solution might be to put them on the jumpseat for a day and let them listen to how noisy the B737 is in reverse while trying to copy taxi instructions.